If you happen to live on planet Earth and enjoy reading or watching Oprah, you couldn't have missed all the talk about Bishop T.D. Jakes' new book, "Instinct". After reading many book reviews and watching several of Oprah's Lifeclasses, during which Bishop Jakes discussed his new book, I finally had the opportunity to get the book and read it for myself. Let me just say that I am not a speed reader; I like to take my time reading, letting the words sink in, and then get back into it at a later time, but "Instinct" had me reading for hours without coming up for air. It took me a total of four days to finish, cover to cover. If you are a fan of Bishop Jakes, I assure you, the sound of his voice echoes through the words in his book, both powerful and uplifting. After reading the book I couldn't help but wonder, are we raising our children to live instinctively?
In order to answer that question, you have to first ask another question: What does it mean to live instinctively? This question can be answered in many ways and have many definitions. T.D. Jakes has a definition of what it means to live instinctively. Oprah has another definition; you have your own definition and I have mine. What it means to me is that you live your life with purpose and understanding that your experiences will lead you to the place that you need to be, and that the little voice or whisper you hear coming from your gut should be listened to.
We are the product of our genetics, our experiences and our beliefs and you can go further to say that we are all here on purpose for a reason that is uniquely yours. Understanding, embracing and finding that purpose is what listening to your gut and the book "Instinct" is all about.
Let me just say that the boy who dreams of being a basketball star or a race car driver, or even the girl who dreams of becoming an actress, must learn to understand the difference between ego and listening to your gut and living with instinct. I am sure all of us, including me, wanted to be something more glamorous than what we became. I had dreams of being an actress when I was young, but I also had a strong desire to work with babies. All of my experiences in my life, I can say have led me to where I am at now. I may not have become the exact vision of what I had imagined at eight years old, but now in my 30s, I understand the beauty and purpose that my life has led me to, and I must say the plan of the universe works out far greater than the plan that you run through your head.
I believe that we are parents to our children on purpose -- that we have something in us and they have something in them that is unique to our union. As parents, our number one job is to raise, protect and love our kids. They are in essence a gift. They teach us in so many ways, and understanding those lessons is important to our growth as human beings. There may be some people that would not agree with me. They may be more inclined to think that our primary job as a parent is to teach our children to be successful citizens of societies rules, and yes, that is correct too, but you are missing the complete picture if you don't understand and acknowledge that our children are also here to teach us, their parents. The first lesson our kids teach us is love -- unconditional love that is reciprocal. Not that if you don't have children, you will never understand unconditional love. You can learn it through other experiences, but it is the first lesson you learn as a parent.
As your children grow, you may find that there are one or two things that your child is drawn to. Pay attention to those things, nurture those ideas and try to impart your life lessons, giving them a sense of direction. T.D. Jakes has often compared this to a bow and arrow; the child is the one taking aim and pulling back, but it is the parent that gently moves the hand in the direction of the bullseye. Try to understand and guide, rather than casting away the dreams for your child. We were children once and every child has dreams of being a super hero and the like. We know that being a super hero is not realistic, but maybe it is the "hero" part that is realistic. The dream of being a super hero can later translate into so many things. Take firefighters, police officers, doctors, social workers, etc... The "hero" part can be translated into so many beautiful things. Don't disregard it, but rather try to give it some direction.
Love and hugs!
o Bianca Carter is a certified lactation counselor (CLC), and founder of Bun in the Oven. For more information, give us a call at 601-6977 or visit us at the Harbour Bay Shopping Plaza, next to Starbucks. Follow us on facebook at babybunintheoven, email us at info@babybunintheoven.com, visit us at www.babybunintheoven.com.

Click here to read more at The Nassau Guardian