The media frenzy surrounding what they started calling "Barbenheimer" deserves to be made into a movie itself.
"Barbie" and "Oppenheimer" opened in theaters on the same day last Friday. The former, a comedy/fantasy about the iconic eponymous doll, and the latter, based on a biography about the "father of the atomic bomb".
Could two films be any more different?
Probably! But the nonetheless, two films opening on the same Friday certainly is not a big deal - even if the two directors (Greta Gerwig ["Lady Bird", "Little Women"] for "Barbie", and Christopher Nolan ["The Dark Knight" and "Inception"] for "Oppenheimer") are often mentioned in the same sentence as the words like "genius" or "voice of a generation" or "the next great generation of filmmakers" etc.
And especially at Christmas, giant potential blockbusters are always opening on the same day.
In any event, clearly, the print and online media, and especially American TV and entertainment news outlets - most of them now owned outright by the major film studios, or siblings of those studios as part of massive media conglomerates - obviously decided (or it was decided for them) that they needed to drum up some sort of excitement for the middle of the summer Box Office.
But let's face it, unless you're a movie fanatic, very few folks were considering "cross-shopping" these two movies.
And if you were especially hard up to watch something called "Barbie", you likely weren't counting the days to watch a biopic about "Oppenheimer" - if you even knew who he was.
And sure, perhaps that sounds like gross stereotyping. But for the media to create nonsensical debates about which to watch first if someone had the bright idea to do a "double-header" (that insane notion was discussed on several ridiculous network morning tv shows and in numerous online articles) - which I have never heard suggested for any previous Friday openings - suggests manipulation and puppeteering was afoot.
Add the fact that "Oppenheimer" is THREE HOURS LONG, and "Barbie", just shy of two hours, anyone doing a double-header of these two movies in one day was going to need a lot of ... help ... afterwards.
Now, based on what you've read so far, you might be thinking this is another case of films not living up to all the hype. But, on the contrary, these two are as good as you might have heard. However, they are nothing like what some might expect.
"Barbie" (Rated B)
Cast: Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, America Ferrera, Issa Rae, Will Ferrell
Genre: Comedy/ Fantasy
Where to watch: In theaters
Dwight's Rating: 3 STARS
"Barbie" definitely isn't going to be what some people expect.
And if you're one of those thinking this will be a good little flick for your five-to-10-year-old daughters, you might be sadly mistaken.
There was a whole slew of little girls in that age group sitting behind me in the theater, and most of them seemed bored out of their minds.
This isn't for them. And those poor little girls were shocked by some of the adult words and themes they heard - because, of course, even when they aren't paying attention, kids will only hear the things you wish they hadn't.
One actually shouted "why are they saying those things?", during one scene in which Barbie (Margot Robbie) and Ken (Ryan Gosling) were talking about their body parts - or lack thereof!
So, no, "Barbie" is more appropriate for your teenage sons (yes, sons!) and daughters and adults who like irreverent and subversive humor. On the surface, this may seem as ditzy as a Barbie or any doll commercial. But deep down, this is "subtly" tackling sexism, misogyny, stereotypes, women's rights, human rights, and, as Ken says repeatedly, "patriarchy".
In the film, Barbie and Ken are having the time of their lives in the colorful and seemingly perfect world of Barbie Land. However, when they get a chance to go to the "real world" they soon discover the joys and perils of living among humans.
The giant cast does well with all the goofiness. Robbie and Gosling couldn't be more perfect as Barbie and Ken, in terms of their appearances. However, they're also perfect with handling the weighty material without seeming to get too heavy.
But, it's America Ferrera (TV's "Ugly Betty") who delivers the movie's most indelible moment - one that needs to be played for boys and girls in junior high, students in college anthropology and sociology classes, and for the conservative members of US Supreme Court!
Big shout-outs to Mattel for having the best sense of humor of any big corporation on the planet. Taking self-deprecating humor to a whole new level, there are so many digs and jabs at the toy company's expense that sales are bound to skyrocket!
For some, this is going to be a bit too "meta", and many won't have the patience to sit through the onscreen silliness to pay attention to what's actually being said.
That would be most unfortunate. "Barbie" has some wonderfully powerful and empowering messages all wrapped up in a giant pink wrapper and ribbon.
"Oppenheimer" (Rated T)
Cast: Cillian Murphy, Emily Blunt, Robert Downey Jr., Matt Damon, Florence Pugh
Genre: Drama/Thriller, Biography
Where to watch: In theaters
Dwight's Rating: 3 STARS
Powerful is a good word to describe "Oppenheimer".
Infuriating is a good one too!
I'm not exactly the president of the Christopher Nolan Fan Club. I'm not even a member.
The number of his films that I like is much, much smaller that the number I very much dislike.
Now "Dunkirk" was amazing. And yes, "The Dark Knight", everybody loves that, right? But let's be real, even that was unnecessarily dour.
However, I wasn't in love with "Inception". I pretty much hated "The Dark Knight Rises". And "Tenet" was just plain ridiculous.
Those mentioned are just a few of his movies. But you'll notice they're all big idea films. Loud, aggressive, fantasies. So, what would Nolan do with a picture examining a controversial figure like Robert Oppenheimer?
During World War II, Lt. Gen. Leslie Groves Jr. (Matt Damon) appoints physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer (Cillian Murphy) to work on the top-secret Manhattan Project. Oppenheimer and a team of scientists spend years developing and designing the atomic bomb. Their work comes to fruition on July 16, 1945, as they witness the world's first nuclear explosion, forever changing the course of history.
This is a big story, and definitely changed the world forever. So, again, what would Chris Nolan do with something like this? Well, he would make it as if it's the biography of a comic book character!
Yes, this is big and loud, from the beginning to the end. All the time! Every time!
The screenplay, written by Nolan and based on the 2005 biography "American Prometheus", presents "Oppenheimer" as a movie in three parts.
The middle one is most thrilling. This is the part that's actually about the bomb and the tense weeks leading up to its use. We know what's going to happen, and yet the fast-paced editing and music and lighting all contribute to edge-of-your-seat movie magic. It's the most compelling hour of a movie all year so far! Simply amazing!
But you have to get through the first hour to make it that far. And I was about ready to gouge my eyes out with my drink straw and then shove that straw down my ears to drown out the incredibly incessant score. The music is ominous, constantly. And for seemingly no real reason. It's meant to set the scene and show the complexities of Oppenheimer's life.
But it's exhausting.
In that first hour, the scenes are incredibly short. It feels like the world's longest movie preview. And again, that music! It's like a horror movie even during sex scenes. What's that about? We get short clips of talking, but the music implies they're all about to get blown to pieces by a nuclear bomb, even before the bomb is made.
We're introduced to a million different people, all Caucasian men (it is set in the '40s after all). If you're a working white actor in Hollywood, and you weren't in "Oppenheimer", clearly you offended somebody!
Honestly, if you showed up an hour late, you might better appreciate the movie.
Then there's the third hour. Again, Nolan clearly believes unless we see protagonists as superheroes involved in an epic struggle for survival, we just won't care about them. And the conflict here seems done in an especially over-the-top manner.
The best part of the film is that very large cast, though. They dug up Josh Hartnett. Remember him? "Pearl Harbor" Wasn't he supposed to be the next greatest? Matt Damon is here and always amazing!
There are so many characters played by award nominees and winners, it seems Academy Award winners are reduced to day players. Best Actor Oscar winner Rami Malek ("Bohemian Rhapsody") appears to be an extra, until late into the final half hour.
But the true standouts are the Oppenheimers. Emily Blunt as wife Kitty is spectacular, delivering a performance that could be worthy of an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress.
And even with the weight of the A-bomb on his shoulders, and with people trying to destroy his character, and with that insane music score just making it impossible to think, Cillian Murphy as "Oppenheimer" remains so remarkably easy, breezy, cool, calm and collected. He could teach Nolan a thing or two.
• Dwight Strachan is the host/producer of "Morning Blend" on Guardian Radio and station manager. He is a television producer and writer, and an avid TV history and film buff. Email dwight@nasguard.com and follow him on twitter @morningblend969.
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