The day set aside to officially honor fathers is in the history books for another year, but fatherhood is not something a man should take a break from, and one pastor urges men to make the commitment to improve as fathers. Pastor Ricardo Miller said no matter the age of your child(ren), to always remember, when it comes to fatherhood, there is always room for improvement.
In order to improve, he said a man must be willing to confront what might have been a generational problem in their family.
Miller grew up without a biological father. Knowing that, he made a commitment to himself to live a life of constant improvement.
"I made a commitment that I wanted to be a better father at all of the different phases of my children's development, including their adult years. You can, too," said Miller, a father of two.
"Growing up in a single-parent home not knowing who my father was, I believe, was very challenging for me as a boy. Very early on, I made a commitment to not allow myself to have children and be an absentee dad. I can remember so many significant moments in my life [where] I needed a male figure to be there for me and none was there. Not just any male figure, my father. That was painful, that was hard."
Miller said he grew up in the neighborhood where there was a lot of young men with no father present and knew early on that was going to be something he was going to do different.
"Not having a father in my life caused me to do a lot of things that I believe, should I have a dad in my life, different decisions would've been made very early on," he said.
"Strength is built on doing what is difficult. This is something that I believe every father must remind himself of on his journey to maximizing his role as a dad."
Miller, a life management coach and founder of Effective Living LLC, said five areas in which all dads can improve in include spending time with their child(ren), being their child's role model, disciplining with love and positive parenting, earning the right to be heard, and respecting the other parent of their child(ren).
"How a father spends his time reveals to his child what is important to him," said Miller.
He said kids grow up quickly and he encourages dads to bond with them in those early formative years. Miller, who is a children's ministry pastor, said there are lots of creative ways men can spend quality time with their children. And that when fathers are involved, they send a clear and emphatic message that they want to be their children's father, that they are interested in them and that they have a relationship that is important to him.
"Being a role model for our children is a very important part of being a father. As fathers, we should aim to be a light in our child's eyes. Whether most men believe it or not, they are role models to their kids. Fathers should commit to teaching their boys and girls what is important in life by demonstrating it, including honesty, humility and responsibility."
Miller, who is dad to a 21-year-old son and an 11-year-old daughter, said he has come to realize that all children need positive guidance and discipline.
"Oftentimes in The Bahamas, we only think about punishment in regards to physical pain, but I believe we need to get more creative in our approach to disciplining our children. We need more fathers to remind their children of the consequences of their actions as well as positively acknowledging desirable behavior. I truly believe that a father's love is the foundation for a child's strength and resilience."
Miller said parents should earn the right to be heard. Even though culturally, he knows it is a difficult thing for Bahamian men, he said it is something every dad should become better at.
"I believe fathers should begin conversations with their children about important topics when they are very young, so that difficult subjects will be easier to handle as they get older. Love your child in such an exceptional way that you develop a great conversational relationship with them and they want to listen to you as dad."
Miller, who is divorced from the mother of his son, said even though it can be difficult, parents should respect the other parent of their child.
"Parents who respect each other and demonstrate mutual respect to their children, provide a secure environment for them," he said. "When children see parents respecting each other, they are more likely to feel that they are also accepted and respected within the father-child relationship."
Father's Day is celebrated the third Sunday in June.
Credit for originating the holiday is generally given to Sonora Smart-Dodd of Spokane, Washington, whose father, a Civil War veteran, raised her and her five siblings after their mother died in childbirth. She is said to have had the idea in 1909 while listening to a sermon on Mother's Day, which at the time was becoming established as a holiday. Local religious leaders supported the idea, and the first Father's Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910, the month of the birthday of Dodd's father.
Father's Day was originally largely a religious holiday.
"Most people have not even taken the time to consider what it means to be a dad," said Miller. He said the art of fatherhood is evolving as society and the traditional family changes. With his practical parenting principles, he said dads can help their children build confidence and self-esteem, and, in turn, learn how to be an engaged, supportive, and loving father for their children.
"The Bible says, 'Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom: And with all thy getting get understanding.'" - Proverbs 4:7 KJV.
"I believe no matter how old you are, you should always position yourself to learn how you can improve in that which is a part of your life's responsibility. I totally understand that today's families are increasingly more diverse, including single-parent families, blended families, unmarried parents, and multi-generational families. Over the past four decades, societal changes including the rise in numbers of women working outside the home, escalating divorce rates, remarriages, and blended families are causing shifts in both maternal and paternal roles. With all of this going on, I believe it is very important that dads today learn how to still be the responsible father that God has created him to be."
Miller said few events change a man's life as much as becoming a father. He said being entrusted with the responsibility and care of another person is a monumental task but that nothing is more rewarding than becoming a father and seeing a child grow gradually into adulthood with their affection returned in good measure and the child's self-worth confirmed.
"God has blessed me with a 21-year-old and an 11-year-old. I'm watching them grow, and it's one of my greatest joys as a father. My son RJ is now a junior in college and my daughter, Grace, is going to middle school this August," said Miller.
"Having grown up without a biological father in my life, I made a commitment to live a life of constant improvement, including after my son graduated high school and became a young adult."
Five areas all dads can
improve
• Spend time with your child/children.
• Be your child's role model.
• Discipline with love and positive parenting.
• Earn the right to be heard.
• Respect the other parent of your child.
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