"Look Around, Look Within" is the theme for Mental Health Month which is held annually during the month of May. I could not resist writing about something we all need to take a closer look at and how it is impacting our mental health and social well-being - and this is the overuse of technology – handheld devices, social media, television, the internet, etc.
With today's technology – internet access, smartphones, smart TVs, integrated software, etc., minor children from a tender age of one are hooked on gadgets and it is causing serious problems for them and for their parents. Overuse of gadgets is impacting parenting, family life, intellectual, emotional, and physical development in children which leads to outright rebellion and in some cases violence in teens. It is as though this is an unavoidable, destructive trend that is destroying our families and society.
A great percentage of parents of yesteryear did not effectively parent their children, so they could parent their own children. Their style of parenting, I call the authoritarian or military style, appeared successful because there was less distraction in the neighborhood, community or in the home. When the parents gave an order, it was adhered to, either out of fear or perhaps respect. Parents did not parent, so their children could parent others. The military style of parenting does not facilitate that. Their methodology was limited to being in a power position over their children and not a power to guide them.
There are three goals in parenting – teach your children to think independently; to be critical thinkers; and provide the environment for them to create original thought.
I am suggesting that these three goals were not met decades ago by military-style parenting. Thus, we are reaping the results today.
When the emphasis is on "do as I say", "don't ask questions", and "be seen and not heard", there is very little or no room to achieve the three goals in parenting. Those parents were not what we called "active parents". The goals of active parenting are not to drive away stubbornness, break the will, teach them a lesson or two, nor to restrict behavior. Active parenting obedience is about teaching and not coercion.
The problem we are facing today with social media and violence started more than 60 years ago. That was long before there was color television, internet, and smartphones. Simply put, the parents of today's grandparents did not teach their children, so they could transmit what they were taught with grace and understanding. Far too many did not even know why they should or should not do certain things.
Due to industrial development, color TV (1954), internet (1983), the worldwide web, algorithms, etc., these modern parents (the Baby Boomers who are now today's grandparents) did not have the skills to transfer learning. The being in charge over someone was all they knew. The giving of instructions and commands started to be less effective without clarification and explanation. But these parents did not have the knowledge to transfer such information. Hence, they continued to flex their parental muscles because that is all they knew.
Now, the youngest generation having children is called Generation Z (born 1997-2012). These parents are finding it easier to just give their children a device to occupy their time because it really does the trick. It keeps them silent and under control. But there are several drawbacks. As a result, here are the modern parenting trends:
• Parents instruct/dictate more than listen to their children.
• Parents are not meeting the emotional needs of their children.
• Parents allow their children to have two to 10 hours of on-screen time each day (holding a device).
• Parents do not help with homework.
• Children prefer to be indoors holding their devices than outside playing.
• Children are being prematurely exposed (without their parent's knowledge) to pornography, violent video games, and other adult themes.
• Parents are allowing their children to sleep with their devices.
One of the most popular video games is Transformers. Many mental professionals are realizing that most toddlers and teens who spend hours watching Transformers are very aggressive in school and/or at home. Many of these students have poor reading and reasoning skills. They are being raised by gadgets.
American Psychological Association states: "Excessive screen time may inhibit a child's ability to observe and experience the typical everyday activities they need to engage with in order to learn about the world, leading to a kind of 'tunnel vision' which can be detrimental to overall development. In multiple studies, excessive screen time has been linked to school problems, anger, aggression, frustration, depression, less sensitive to pain and frustration, and other emotional problems. Overstimulation causes kids to have poor focus and depletes their mental energy, which often leads to explosive behavior."
Parents, look around, look within. Have you been trained by your parents to be an indifferent, aggressive parent yourself? Have you been trained to be a bully parent? Have you been raised to be a lazy parent, thus utilizing what is most convenient to raise your children – the handheld devices, social media, television, and the internet?
What can we do about this?
To help start curbing crime, we need to retool today's parents, in particular those parents from the Baby Boomer generation and beyond who were not taught to be parents. We need to help them learn how to parent without artificial babysitters and stimulations. It is also my view that parents of children entering elementary and secondary school for the first time should be required to attend 10 hours of general parenting classes as a part of their child's acceptance process. This can be done before school opens, during a one-week period. A certificate of completion is given that can be used if the child has to be moved to another school. If, during the school year, the student displays serious behavioral problems (defiance, bullying, etc.), then the parent is required to attend another five hours of advanced parenting skills. Parents, look around, look within. Look at what is in your children's hands.
• Barrington Brennen is a marriage and family therapist. Send your questions or comments to question@soencouragment.org, telephone 327-1980 or visit www.soencouragement.org.
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