In part one of Working Wounded, I highlighted a few areas that some people struggle with in their personal lives that have residual effects on their ability to interact with others in various settings, especially the workplace. As a result, the work environment becomes toxic because the wounded person either consciously or unconsciously hurts people because of their own pain. Common areas of abuses and negative emotions are, but certainly are not limited to:

o Sexual and physical abuse;

o Emotional abuse, verbal abuse and bullying;

o Abandonment and neglect;

o Rejection.

Emotional patterns and behaviors that thread through many of these situations are what I would like to focus on in this article. How do these patterns play out in today's workplace? Here are a couple scenarios to get you thinking. And by the way: these are all real scenarios with names changed to protect the innocent...and the guilty.

Scenario 1
"Thank you for coming in so quickly to interview with us," the department head said as he stood up from his desk.

"Thank you for the opportunity," I replied as I followed his cue and stood up. He began to move around the desk and said, "Let me walk you out."

As I started to make my way to the door, I felt him come up behind me and press his body against my back. I froze for a split second in absolute shock and then spun around to look at him in disbelief. He said nothing and continued to walk to the door and opened it. I walked through in silence, still reeling from what was my first experience of sexual harassment at work. I would have loved to be hired but I seriously wondered if I wanted to take that job if I was made an offer. What could I expect as his employee?

Scenario 2

"I don't know what's going on with this printer," I said aloud to no one in particular one day at the office.

"It's probably female," my boss quips as he walks by. "You know how you all are - you decide to work when you want to." His hearty laugh echoes into an empty silence.

"I'll figure it out," I mumble to myself.

"Yes, you're certainly smart enough!" is his reply.

Scenario 3
"Pam, why don't you join us in the conference room for Mr. Baker's birthday cake cutting? There's cake and free lunch!" I poked my head in the office when I saw Pam hunched over some papers at her desk.

"No, it's okay. I have a lot going on that I need to finish." She continued reading without looking up.

"Pam, in all honesty, whenever we do anything as a department you have something to do. It's starting to look a little funny.  Just saying."
I hoped she didn't get offended that I went on a limb to say something about the way she isolated herself at work. But it was true and people were starting to label her as weird, stuck up and stand offish, as if she thought she were better than everyone else or they weren't good enough to be around. I noticed that she shut down in group settings and got completely withdrawn, distant and silent. What was going on with her?

Scenario 4
"That's a pretty good idea but we just don't have it in the budget to implement it right now," the CEO said. "Let's go on to item #4 on the agenda."

He moved on but Rod sat there stinging, oblivious to the rest of the meeting. He felt totally humiliated and ready to give up.

"Why are my ideas never accepted? It's never the right time, never any money in the budget. There is always something wrong with my work. It's just never enough. I'm a total failure at this job."

The meeting soon adjourned and it was all Rod could do to pretend that everything was okay and go on with the rest of his day as normal. But everything wasn't okay. He wasn't okay, especially when the CEO asked a few of the meeting attendees except Rod to join him for lunch after the meeting.

Can you identify the wounded person's behavior patterns in each scenario? One thing it should help you realize is that nothing is ever as it seems. Just like the iceberg, many people have a whole lot going on under the surface than you care to imagine.

o Simmone L. Bowe, MSc. is a human resource and organization development specialist, speaker, trainer, author, and mentor who focuses on helping business leaders and professionals navigate the turning points of their organizations and careers to develop high performing, purpose-driven people, teams and organizations. For comments and queries, email sbowe94@gmail.com.

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