The boys are back! This time, they're taking on a subject matter that has been engrained, accepted and sometimes even encouraged within the Bahamian society. Those who have read Andrew Coakley's book "Women with Jobs, Men with PMS", got a glimpse into the changing world and the changing environment of today's relationship between men and women. The rules that govern them had changed, simply because society had changed.
Getting insight into the ever-changing world of relationships from four guys was what some called "refreshing".
"I was surprised to get so much feedback from guys who actually read and enjoyed the book," said Coakley. "I knew women are more open to talking about their relationships and even accepting if something is wrong with it, but for the most part, guys never think anything is wrong with their relationship, even if it's falling apart. So, I was surprised with the positive feedback I got from that book."
Now the author is back with a follow-up to "Women with Jobs, Men with PMS". Taking on a taboo subject in our culture, Coakley's new book "The Sweetheart Syndrome" is a surprise and secretively, a welcomed subject matter to discuss.
The book deals with the issue of adultery or "sweethearting" as it is referred to in The Bahamas. Either the author is very brave or has a death wish for his writing career, because who really wants to talk about something that has been kept under wraps for so long? Like they say, if it's kept in the closet for a long time, then maybe it has been kept there for a reason.
"I know I'm taking a risk in writing a book about what some consider to be a favorite past time for many Bahamians," Coakley admitted, "but maybe it's time we began to talk about it. Obviously it affects so many aspects of our lives as Bahamians. We know people who are doing it, who are involved in it and we know people who have been negatively affected by it, so why not talk openly about it?
"'Sweethearting' is like the elephant in the room, which no one wants to acknowledge. You know it's there, but you chose to ignore it. But how long do you think you can ignore the presence of an animal weighing thousands of pounds, standing in your living room?"
Ironically, the book is not written in a way people may think. Thanks to the boys from "Women with Jobs, Men with PMS", this new book looks at "sweethearting" from a surprisingly open point of view. There is no finger pointing, just laying out facts and even opinions about another aspect of the Bahamian concept of love and relationships. Yes, there are some scripture references, but anyone who has read Coakley's books, knows that goes without saying.
For him the Bible is the greatest instruction manual on life and he says he's not hesitant to quote from it in all of his writings. Like his last book, Coakley took the approach of telling stories to illustrate his point in his new venture, along with opinion pieces that serves more like commercial breaks in between the drama that unfolds.
The author said he chose that style because it creates an environment to actually listen to the issues without pre-judging.
"We all like stories and even when a story hits home or points directly at us, we tend to receive it more than when someone slams you with a hammer and brings down judgment on you," said Coakley.
"The funny thing is people... total strangers, have come back to me and asked me how I knew about their respective situation. I didn't know these people, but because so many of us have similar stories, people can relate to what's being said. "I've had so many people tell me that they related so closely with Jason, Derek, Stephen and Shawn and their individual relationships in the last book, that it was like looking into a mirror. But the truth is, their story is similar to so many of us.
"And we all can tell stories about 'sweethearting' even if we have never participated in it personally. Like I said, we all know people who are doing it, who have done it, or who have been affected by it."
"The Sweet Heart Syndrome" could easily be a book about confessions, with names changed to protect the victims and the perpetrators. One thing with this new book, the author has become more creative. The writing flows, making the book easy to read.
With a number of twists and turns, it keeps the reader engrossed and determined to find out what happens next. Also in the book there is a listing of some of the basic reasons why both men and women step outside of their committed relationships. A list Coakley said was developed after talking to hundreds of people over the years about this very subject.
You would be surprised at what made the listing. Contrary to popular belief, apparently sex is not the only reason why men cheat and money is not the only reason why many women would step outside of their marriage. This book gives much to ponder. There is also some thought given to the historical connection with "sweethearting" and the black Caribbean man.
Coakley said that while including the historical aspect was not meant to serve as an excuse for cheating, he felt it was necessary to include it.
"Whether we want to accept it or not, our history has a lot to do with the way we behave as a people," Coakley said. "We do some of the things we do ... we talk the way we do, and even eat some of the foods we eat because of our historical background.
"So, looking at history helps us to identify it and then I feel once we have done that, we could make a decision to deal with it. And really that was a part of my purpose in writing this book, to force us to think about how this lifestyle is affecting our everyday living. I think that we have just become so accepting of what is considered to be 'normal' that it numbs us to the reality of any pain our actions may cause someone else. I just want people to think about what they're doing."
Coakley said that he realizes that cheating has been around for so long and therefore admits that trying to change a generational habit is a bit ambitious. However, he does want people to stop and look at what has been handed down to them by their forefathers.
"We must ask ourselves, is what they handed down to us helping us or is it hurting us? People use the extent and the timeline in which something has been happening as an excuse to not change. They say it's been going on for so long, why bother? But a long time in existence does not make something necessarily right. But we each have to make that individual decision to look at our behavior."
Coakley recommends reading "Women with Jobs, Men with PMS" before reading "The Sweet Heart Syndrome", simply because it sets the stage and gives readers a better understanding of the characters.
"The Sweet Heart Syndrome" is an exciting read and is worth the investment of time. The book is available at local bookstores and on line at Amazon.
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