Ladies and gentlemen, office etiquette is dead!
It has been brutally assassinated by uncouth employees, who remain at large and continue to practice their uncultured behavior in the office. Why have they not been arrested? According to reliable sources several theories have been presented:
1. Many civility police (managers) lack business etiquette training and therefore are unable to identify and correct simple etiquette faux pas.
2. Organizations have hired so many uncouth employees that policing has become virtually impossible.
3. Many civility police (managers) are also uncouth, so they see nothing wrong when employees' social graces are less than desirable.
4. Many civility police are afraid to have the tough conversations required to address the inappropriate behavior.
In light of the above I am appealing to all employees who are concerned about the deteriorating state of common civility in the workplace, to stand with me in exposing these uncouth perpetrators. I hereby deputize you and order you to arrest on sight any co-worker who you witness engaged in one of the following acts:
1. Misusing the speakerphone: Speakerphones are used primarily for group conference calls, not because you are too lazy to pick up the handset. If you intend to put someone on a speakerphone, make your intent known and identify any other person who may be in the room with you. For example, "Bob I have you on the speaker and I've got Tom and Jerry here with me".
2. Engaging in loud conversations: If a colleague is engaged in a conversation with another individual and you can hear them down the hall, this is a clear indication that they need to turn down the volume.
3. Eating smelly foods at his/her desk: Not only does it look bad, certain foods like fish, onions, curry, Chinese food etc. have high aromas that can leave the entire office smelling bad! What can I tell you, eat in the kitchen and if your office doesn't have a kitchen choose your food selections wisely! On the same note please refrain from throwing smelly foods in the garbage at your desk, take them to the kitchen garbage please.
4. Not cleaning up after themselves: What's wrong with you people? Does you mother work here? Did your bring your housekeeper or private butler with you to work? Is something wrong with your hands? Why can't you clean up after yourself? Why do you believe that someone should throw away your discarded lunch, cups or beverages? Does your kitchen at work come with a waitress? If you sprinkle when you tinkle will it kill you to wipe the seat? Why can't you flush the toilet after yourself? Is it beneath you to ensure that the toilet is clean for other people to use? OMG, uncivilized!
5. Constantly talking on his or her personal cellphone: And not just talking, talking loudly since most peoples' cell phone voice is considerably louder than their regular voice. Then you have the nerve to wonder who is spreading your person business and supposedly confidential information around the office. Newsflash, you are, and don't expect people not to listen!
6. Grooming in public: This includes brushing and combing hair, applying makeup at your desk, and zipping down your trousers to put shirt in pants. Please find the restroom.
7. Not sending a proper email: When are you going to "get it"? An email is nothing more than an electronic letter. As such it should contain a subject, greeting and salutation. It also wouldn't hurt if you remember to use spell check and proof your messages for grammatical errors before hitting send. Note to self, never respond to an email when you are angry. Trust me, you will regret it! And please do not forward chain mails.
8. Not saying "good morning", "please" or "thank you": We were taught basic manners as a child (well at least I was) so in my mind there is just no excuse for lack of good manners. Get it in your head, "please" and "thank you" will always be the magic words we were taught as children, some of you just need to remember to use them.
9. Playing music/the radio at your desk: This is soooooo annoying! Why do you believe that your colleagues want to listen to your favorite radio station, CD, sermon, or ITunes library (you get the picture)? Further, if the company wanted you to listen to music, it would install a sound system! If you must listen to any of the above please use headphones.
10. Voicemails: A voicemail system allows people to leave messages for you when you are unavailable, but how can they leave a message if:
a. You don't activate your voicemail/mailbox.
b. Your mailbox is full and unable to receive any more messages.
Listen people, clear your messages and return your calls same day if possible, if not before end of next day.

Stacia Williams offers keynotes, workshops and personal coaching on a wide range of topics, including personal branding, image management, customer service, leadership, business etiquette and international protocol. You can contact Stacia Williams at 328-8074, email her at Stacia@totalimagemanagement.com, or visit staciawilliamsblog.com.

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