During the months and weeks leading up to the constitutional referendum on June 7 when the nation voted on four bills concerning citizenship and gender equality, there has been much said that has left a real feeling of sadness in the hearts of many. While some of us, including myself, voted yes on all four bills, and are saddened by the no results, we are equally saddened because of the unkind language and messages that were shared on talk shows, the streets, community halls and even sometimes from church pulpits.
The negative message was not necessarily that we must vote no, although in my opinion the no vote was counterproductive for building a healthy nation. Some of the negative messages were homosexuals have no rights, and lesbians are going to hell. They said homosexuals have no place in this country and same-sex couples must get out of this country.
Some said the government has an ulterior motive; let the foreign husbands stay where they belong -- outside of The Bahamas. They preached 'let those sinners burn in hell fire'. On and on it went. The name of God was used and misused to twist the logical, progressive, humane, proposed amendments to the Constitution into a diabolical plan. Although this last sentence reflects my opinion, we must agree that the behavior of many of us is not a reflection of our claim to be citizens who are friendly, loving and kind.
In addition, many Bahamians boast that our nation is a Christian one, but in reality, our actions and words conflict with many our beliefs. I am deeply saddened that far too many have forgotten to put into practice what they have read and were taught from childhood.
For example, 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude." Please, no more rudeness. Let's stop it.
Matthew 5:44 says, "But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!" If you say homosexuals are your enemies, weren't you taught to love them unconditionally?
Colossians 4:6 says "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Wow! This last verse should have been read on the radio every day before the voting. Grace is seriously missing from the conversation of many.
How do we express grace in our language? How do we express mercy in our behavior? What makes Christian people behave so angrily toward those they call sinners? In the article "Ten excuses Christians give for treating others badly," the author, Jeremy Myers, states, "Christians are notorious for bad behavior. In some recent surveys, reported in books like 'Unchristian' and 'They like Jesus but not the church', it appears that most people in our culture believe that Christians are about as trustworthy as car salesmen and lawyers."
One reason the author gives for why Christians act so badly is because of our theology. Many Christians develop a sense of entitlement because we are the "chosen ones", the "elite", the members of the family of God. We feel this gives us the right to look down upon others who are not one of us. Sometimes, our behavior is a result of our understanding of God's grace and forgiveness. We feel that because God forgives us for all our sins, we can treat others in terrible ways, and God will still forgive us. While it is true that God will forgive us for such behavior, his grace is never a license to treat others so shamefully.
The author's punch line: There is the critical, judgmental, legalistic attitude so often taught and practiced in churches. Since we feel we have a corner on the truth, and that we are the ones who are always right, this makes us believe that it is our responsibility to be the world's policemen, going around pointing out where people are wrong and how they are sinning. This is rarely received well by anyone, especially when we have glaringly obvious sins in our own life."
It is imperative that I list the 10 points the author states why Christians act so badly because I believe they are relevant to us today. They are:
o We Christians are sinners too: There are other versions of this excuse, such as "Hey! Nobody's perfect!" or "I'm not perfect; just forgiven." The idea behind this excuse is that the watching world has put unrealistic expectations on us as Christians. We complain that they seem to think we should live perfect lives, which is impossible.
o It's nothing personal; it's just business: Sometimes people say, "This has nothing to do with my Christianity." Christians who say these things reveal a deep misunderstanding of what following Jesus is all about. For a follower of Jesus, there is no such thing as 'it's just business'.
o Judge not, lest you be judged: People don't like their sins pointed out to them. I know I don't. And it is easy to get defensive and tell people to mind their own business. But if we are failing to be salt and light in the world, then we are supposed to be held to higher standards, and sometimes this means people will point out our failures. When this happens it is easy to get upset, lash out and tell people that they have their own sins to take care of (which is likely true). But such arguments about who is the worse sinner rarely lead to anything good.
o It isn't illegal: I know a Christian lawyer from New York who steals money from others legally. I challenged him on it once, and he said that he is not doing anything illegal, which was technically true. He had the law of the United States on his side, and he had figured out a way to legally swindle people. Nothing he was doing was breaking any of our nation's laws. But there is a big difference between not breaking the laws of our nation, and treating people with love, respect and dignity. God's laws are higher than man's laws, and even though a person may be following man's laws perfectly, this does not mean they are following God's laws, so be careful when you justify your actions because you are not breaking any laws.
o I have righteous anger; in your anger do not sin: Be careful if you ever find yourself quoting this verse. When this verse is being quoted, very rarely is the anger in question actually righteous anger. Usually, it is self-righteous anger, and we are sinfully lashing out at someone who slighted us, and then justifying our anger by calling it righteous anger.
It is important that we change our narrative. We need a narrative of love, compassion and understanding. It does not matter if you believe that homosexuality is evil or same-sex marriage is wrong. We all need to learn how to respect each other's views and rights to choose as long as the behavior does not cause harm to another person. We need to start demonstrating love and not hate toward everyone, including the homosexuals and same-sex couples.
o Barrington H. Brennen, MA, NCP, BCCP, is a marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical psychotherapist, USA. Send your questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com or write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org or call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002.
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