As the primary voice of influence in their children's lives, parents must aim to create a positive, God-centered image for them; they can start by affirming to their children that they are created in God's image.
"What God places within us is good -- so don't call your child anything less," said New Providence native Ricardo Miller Sr., who runs Ricardo Miller Children's Ministries out of Fort Worth, Texas and serves as family ministry pastor at Pathway of Life Church in Dallas, where he oversees the nursery, preschool, children's, youth and young adult ministries.
"Even when our children fail or miss the mark, there is still a place for encouragement. We do not want to give praise for shoddy work, but it is still important not to kill the spirit of the child with demeaning words or speaking down to them. As the scripture says in Ephesians, 'Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen'."
Miller, a father, who recently released his new book "Parenting With a Purpose: Equipping Kids to Succeed in Life", said that when a child regularly hears words of encouragement, he or she does not dismiss it as fluff. He said they believe it inside. "Every day life is clouded with negativity outside of our homes -- children are bombarded with images and influences that want to shape their character, morality, thoughts and behavior -- as the primary voice of influence in their lives, parents must aim to create a positive, God-centered image for kids."
The pastor said too many children are told that they're dumb, stupid, lazy, by parents, who further compound the problem by telling them that they make them sick, when parents are supposed to be their children's first line of defense from societal ills. The youth pastor said it's not up to children to encourage themselves, but that it's the job of parents.
He reminded parents that children look to adults for approval, and that they crave encouragement from their parents. That encouragement, he said, should be unconditionally standard language from a parent to a child at any age, and at all stages of development.
"Positive affirmation shows kids appreciation for their efforts. In trying to do the right thing, we as parents should continuously try to drum into their spirits that they have value. Believe it or not, that's often reward enough for children. An encouraged child at home is a happy, productive child in society."
Miller said words might sometimes hurt, but that they can also heal. He said when parents use affirming words with their children, it gives them confidence and builds self-esteem and they start believing that they are good enough.
"Uplifting statements like 'You can do it', or 'Thank you for giving your best effort' can go a long way when life's pressures begin to mount. And whether we know it or not, our children do face pressure. When kids believe they are not quite measuring up to the standards mom and dad set, the pressure is on."
Miller urges parents to start focusing on what their children are doing right, and on their strengths. He said parents should compliment their children, as little things do so much to build their self-esteem.
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