A few months ago a 40-something bejewelled well-dressed woman driving a new luxury SUV pulled into a clearly marked handicapped-reserved parking space at a popular grocery store in western New Providence. She perfumed the air with her sense of entitlement.

After a few well-practiced stilettoed steps into the entrance of the store she was intercepted by a male store employee who politely informed her that she could not park in the reserved space. Seemingly afraid to challenge her, he told her that another female customer had complained.

The driver of the SUV flew into a rage. She loudly demanded how anyone dare complain about where she parked. She threatened to tell the other woman about, euphemistically, her derrière. Given the level of outrage, it seemed that the parking spot was reserved exclusively for the SUV driver.

Her belligerent defensiveness was born of an attitude of self-absorption and selfish disregard for the needs of others, in this instance handicapped individuals who need this public space more than does the driver.

But the defensiveness was also the product of embarrassment, of the need to save face. In such encounters there are two forms of embarrassment. The first is the healthy humble type in which one recognizes one’s error and takes remedial action. This kind of embarrassment may also help one save face.

The SUV driver could have said how sorry she was and that she was more than happy to repark her vehicle. She would have boosted the esteem for her by store employees and others who observed her infraction and belligerence at being asked to park elsewhere. But she chose the other type of embarrassment, the arrogant, defensive and combative form in which one is unable to admit error; instead, attacking another despite being clearly in the wrong.

Another example of the second type of embarrassment: Two friends pull into the parking lot of a wine and spirits merchant. Parked immediately in front of the store is a tour van parked vertically, taking up four parking spaces, inconveniencing other customers.

Snapshot

When politely told that he was taking up spaces others wanted to use, the driver grunted “I know” and his glare shouted “screw you!”, another euphemism. The tourists in the van looked on in amazement as they witnessed a snapshot of slackness and rudeness Bahamian style.

Of course the driver knew that he was taking up all of those spaces. Many of us know that we are breaking laws or blatantly and openly disregarding certain civilities and codes of conduct. But we simply don’t care. We are not embarrassed. Worse still, some of us flaunt our disregard as a badge of honor.

Many of us have lost the capacity to be embarrassed by certain behavior. This is yet another degree of cultural and civic deterioration. The tour driver was strutting his ego, demonstrating his manhood, possibly prepared violently to defend his indefensible conduct.

The open consorting by many noted citizens, including political figures, with drug dealers beginning in the late 1970s, bestowing respectability on the former, continues up to this day. Moreover, for some, monitoring devices in the form of ankle bracelets have become a sort of jewellery.

So many public spaces have become arenas for selfish individualism and self-entitlement where individual convenience trumps the needs of others.

Parking by able-bodied individuals in handicapped-reserved spaces is but one example. The good news is that many Bahamians observe the handicapped parking signs. Yet, too many are still allowed to park in such spots while police officers and security guards look on and do nothing.

Then there is the monumental arrogance of certain businesspeople, including some in downtown Nassau, in the full gaze of the police, who are allowed to place traffic cones and private signs on public roads cordoning spaces for a particular business, though adjacent establishments are not allowed the same.

Message from these proprietors of selfishness: My business is more important than yours. If every business acted similarly there would be chaos. Some businesses, though not zoned for such activity, turn their establishment into night clubs, wrecking the tranquillity of certain residential neighborhoods.

Little things and habits matter in sustaining positive norms or reinforcing negative public behavior. Civility and community are encouraged when someone walks onto a line to pay a bill and says “Good morning” or “Good afternoon”. They atrophy when someone parks in a manner inconvenient to others.

Some recall the days when a child dare not misbehave in public for fear of one’s parents or guardians being told by neighbors and others in the community of such behavior, with a resulting punishment, including chastisement for publicly embarrassing one’s family.

Bygone

This is largely a bygone era unlikely to return, especially in an urban center such as New Providence, where there is greater anonymity and looser communal bonds as is typically the reality of urban settings. But greater anonymity and changes in communal life in an urban center such as New Providence require new ways of imaging community while structuring how we share public space.

Many have remarked on the imperative of strengthening family life. But we also need to strengthen community organizations and communal practices such as community service which help in the socialization process.

This is urgent for at least two reasons. There is a sea change in the mores and norms adopted by many Bahamians: There is a growing culture of negative individualism that increasingly disregards the needs of others and certain communal standards.

Various surveys have shown that young people become more conscientious, more community-minded and less selfish after sustained involvement in well-structured and meaningful community service programs. Programs like Outward Bound, which stress team work, are quite effective in creating positive attitudes and healthy habits in participants.

We continue to develop negative public habits that have a multiplier effect, with many adopting the poor public habits of others that risk become the norm, until those habits are accepted as appropriate.

Many of us now wear certain bad public habits, incivility and slackness as a badge of honor, with crudeness and rude behavior seen by some as a sign of their supposed strength.

Sadly, in order not to be seen as weak or different from the pack, others adopt similar behavior and it becomes a part of the culture, fixed and entrenched habits which are then difficult to stem or root out.

• frontporchguardian@gmail.com, www.bahamapundit.com.

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