It's a day Claudette Adderley relives over and over again -- the day she got a call that her 25-year-old son was shot and killed. The single mother of four was devastated.  Her eldest child was not ever coming home again, and she had to find a way to explain that to her younger children who had looked up to the big brother.  Almost 10 years after the life-shattering incident and although her son's murderer was tried and convicted, Adderley still cannot bring herself to forgive the shooter for what he did.
"Forgiveness is a hard thing and Lord knows I try to be a Christian about what happened, but every time I remember how the young man snuffed out my son's life ... when he was so young ... had so much potential and such big dreams I cannot forgive him," says the 50-year-old Adderley.  "I occasionally get letters from prison from the murderer asking me to come and see him, or he writes to say he is sorry, but his words are not something I am ready for as yet.  Maybe one day."
Adderley says she tries to reach the state of forgiveness a little more each day, and that one day she may just be able to look Jeremy's murderer in the eyes and say she forgives him.  But she says today is not the day.
With the "crime wave" sweeping the country -- the murder count at a record 104 -- Adderley is not the only person struggling to bring themselves to a place where they can forgive those who murder, steal or harm them and their loved.
The seemingly eternal stream of pain due to escalating crime rates is one many people never recover from.  It can destroy them emotionally, spiritually and physically.   But ministers of the Word say people do not have to head down the road of despair, if they learn the hardest lesson of all which is forgiving their enemy.  They say the ability to genuinely forgive someone who has wronged you in the deepest possible way is the ultimate display of Christianity.
Forgiveness they says is a trait many professing believers in Christ struggle with for things as trivial as someone dear to them forgetting their birthday, or as drastic as a stranger murdering a family member or friend.  Contrary to belief that you only forgive to ease the guilt of someone who wronged you, religious leaders say forgiveness is also essential in attaining your own peace of mind.
"When you learn to forgive someone, you give yourself permission to move on," says Father David Cooper, priest at St. Michael's Catholic Church in Grand Bahama.  "If you profess to be a Christian you need to be able to forgive no matter the circumstance, that is our mandate.  God is our Father and He forgives us no matter what we do.  So why should we, who are made in His image, not be able to afford the same thing to one another?"
When you go to church the priest usually mentions that parishioners should not take the eucharist if they have something on their heart against a neighbor.  They say you have to learn to let it go and allow God to heal you.
"Forgiving isn't easy, but letting the burden go is the first step.  And many people fail to make it because they want to hold on to the pain," he says.
Although holding on to the pain is all too easy to do, Fr. Cooper says mankind is imperfect and forgiveness may not come overnight because people need time to react and recuperate, but it has to come at some point.
"When you do not let the action done against you go, you are allowing that person who harmed you to have control over you.  When you see him or hear about him you react whether you wanted to or not.  You have to let it all be set free if you want freedom."
He reminds the Christian that forgiveness is something people will need for themselves one day so he encourages them to freely give it when they are in the position to do so.
Bishop Arnold Josey, senior pastor at Commonwealth Mission Baptist Church, says forgiveness is something many people take for granted but he says there is more to it than mere words.  And he says it is definitely not about forgetting or saying you are completely over a particular action which many people think it is.
"It is not a contract of overlooking something that happened, or a deal to agree to forget your pain," says Bishop Jose. "It is just a releasing of the person at fault of their guilt.  You are still saying yes you did it, and yes I still remember, but I will absolve you because it is the right thing to do if we both want to move on and continue our lives."
The Baptist minister says forgiveness is also not something popular in Bahamian culture.
"People whose family was killed or harmed yet can turn around and say 'I forgive you' are often told they are crazy or others wonder what happened to them.  Forgiveness is a hard thing, but it is necessary if you want control of your life ever again," he said.
While forgiveness may be easier said than done, Bishop Josey says forgiveness is something you do for you as much as for the other person.  Forgiving people allows you to let go of any resentment and rids you of bitterness, anger and hate -- things which will ultimately poison your spirit.  He says holding onto your pain and giving the person a hard time every time you see them is not harming them a quarter as much as it destroys you.
"Forgiveness may come with a price, but there is a much greater cost if you refuse to give it as well," says Bishop Josey.
Although Christians are encouraged to readily be forgiving, it should be with conditions, says Bishop Gilbert Thompson, assistant bishop of the Anglican Diocese of The Bahamas and the Turks and Caicos Islands.
"When we say to forgive people we are not saying to do it in word alone.  Forgiving is a process that starts with the perpetrator.  He or she needs to admit to himself and you that he has committed a crime.  He then has to be genuinely remorseful for his actions.  After that he has to be willing to do all in his power to make amends," says Bishop Thompson.  "If these are things he has met as a Christian you should be able forgive your enemy.  No matter how much you may hurt, you should be able to look past it and forgive.  The Bible has a verse in which the disciples ask Jesus how many times they should forgive their neighbor in a day and Jesus told them 70 times seven.  He meant that you should always be forgiving.  You should never be able to say you will not forgive someone if they truly come to you reformed and aware of their error."
Many people may be quick to say there must be some allowance for not granting forgiveness when someone hurts them, but according to the Bible, and even your actions and prayers as Christians, there is no room to not forgive.
"Whenever you say the Our Father Prayer, you are asking the Father to forgive you as you forgive those who trespass against you.  This is to say that just as you aim to treat others when it comes to forgiveness so should the Heavenly Father treat you.  So withholding forgiveness from your neighbor hinders you from being forgiven for your multitude of sins by the Father and this is not a position you want to be in on judgement day," says Bishop Thompson.
 

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