Kissing is a sacred act

Thu, Jul 20th 2017, 11:35 AM

This article should be enjoyable to read and yet still be serious at the same time. It is about kissing. Over the years I've written several articles on the importance of kissing in romantic relationships. On July 21 Annick and I will have been kissing as married partners for 40 years. I still love to kiss her. Those tender lips are as soft now as they were the first time I kissed her. My first kiss was in 1975 on a cool Saturday night under a sugar apple tree near Lover's Leap in Mandeville, Jamaica. We were both students in college at the time.
Although it is imperative that romantic couples kiss, I want to remind those who are not seriously connected to someone, that kissing is a serious act of love and should not be taken lightly. This sacred act is being treated too lightly, and too many are getting messed up socially and sexually through the doorway of kissing. We are too free with kissing. We have become a cheap society of kissing fanatics.
I believe romantic kissing should be treated as something very sacred, special and exclusive. In spite of how good it feels, kissing does not reach its highest potential of volcanic ecstasy unless the brain cells have kissed first. Too many young people are engaging the body first before they engage their heads. This is the kind of behavior that can lead to acquaintance rape or date rape. More than 15 years ago, I wrote my first article on kissing. It was published in a university's student newspaper in Michigan. The response was overwhelming. Since it was a Christian campus, many teenagers and young adults appreciated my candid and frank discussion on the subject. One young lady thanked me for helping her to develop a healthy relationship with her boyfriend. We both shared the view that kissing is sacred and were encouraged to remain faithful to our standard.
More and more young people want to do the right thing. They want to preserve the most intimate expressions of love for a post-wedding experience. But too many of them stand before the fires of passion hoping not to get burned. They spend long hours kissing, rubbing up and turning up the heat. They do not want to have sex and get pregnant, but they tearfully express that it happened accidentally. That's not an accident. That's a deliberate, intentional set-up, when kissing-crazed individuals are allowing themselves to be held hostage by hormonal flow.
I am sure you are wondering whether or not I am saying couples should kiss before marriage. I believe Christian couples who are courting and preparing for marriage can, and should, kiss romantically before marriage. However, they should kiss in small dosages and limit the time and the frequency. The longer the kiss and greater the frequency, the higher the temperature rises on the passion thermostat. It is important that one does not kiss on the first, second, third, fourth, or fifth date. That's dangerous to the heart. It causes the emotional arteries to become clogged, blocking the reasoning and enhancing sexual seduction. Even non-Christians can mess up their choice of a permanent romantic or marriage partner by kissing too soon and too long before marriage.
Here are steps towards romantic kissing that I suggest should take at least three months to one year to cover. I have been sharing these steps for 30 years and still feel they are relevant today -- talk, play and talk, hold hands and talk, bond minds, link shoulders, hold heads, kiss in short, small dosages.
Steps one through four are the most important time of any relationship. This is the friendship period. You need time to become friends and to play and talk together. Remember, time is your best friend. This friendship period is not time for kissing because it will stifle growth in the relationship. The next steps are the romantic phase. It is during this time when those sacred words, I love you, will be solemnly expressed. It is a time when you like being around each other and look forward to seeing each other on a regular basis. You have blended your thoughts and ideas, and have definite plans for the relationship. The last step is the kissing stage. The relationship has matured enough to share yourself in this fashion. But you need to restrain yourself, realizing your own limitations and weaknesses. Romantic kissing before marriage is risky business if prescribed in large doses. It is one sure way of opening the floodgates of passion that can lead you to the painful point of no return. Restraint and control are the key words.

o Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical psychotherapist. Send your questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com or write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org or call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002.

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