The month of June is a very special month in my family. This is the month my late parents got married. Hence, my sister, Ann Albury, was reminiscing about the kind of love our parents shared and was inspired to write about it with me. The following are her thoughts.
Alfred and Mary, my parents, like all couples, had their valleys and their mountaintop experiences. The natural tug and pull of the rapidly moving world around them, advancing careers, four active, growing children, demands of church leadership roles and sometimes limited finances, created all the tensions we witness from day-to-day within families. Yet something held them together like white on rice, for where Mary was always there, so was Alfred.
What was the key factor that was the glue in their relationship? Love. Through their living, a lesson to learn is that there is power in love and commitment. It was not the love as idealized in the play "Romeo and Juliet" where the two lovers fatally died young together. Rather, it was the unconditional love of two persons courageously forging through the various stages of living. Together, they journeyed from the promise of young adulthood into the crisis of middle age, and slowly descended the sliding slope of old age. Then lastly, and with boldness, staring death eyeball to eyeball.
Alfred and Mary, having accumulated 66 years of experiences together, waded through a myriad of challenges and yet still found ... no -- always chose to love each other. Their love remained steadfast, though not finding perfection, but learning to see and love an imperfect person perfectly.
Then the things they did for each other were amazing! They were always complimenting each other, giving daily hugs and kisses, and celebrating the small things. There was even excitement about a favorite dish cooked or Mom's favorite chocolate bar pulled out of Daddy's coat pocket upon returning home, or sitting beside each other in the family room caressing each other. Their cooking together, the gentle rubs, and the manicures or pedicures, are just examples of a very long list of things they did together and for each other. These remind me of something they both reiterated, "It is the little things that mean the most!"
Their relationship values included a generous mixture of humor, laughter, gentleness, kindness and caring for each other's needs; also, their equal voice on issues by practicing consensus rather than compromise when necessary, and their strong belief of partnership in support of each other's life's purpose. How can I leave out their deep respect for one another?
As the sun began to set on their lives, we often acknowledged the depth of the bond between our parents and wondered what the inevitable ending would bring forth. When Mommy became ill and told us she was tired, had done her best, all she could in her lifetime, and was not willing to fight anymore, Daddy refused to accept her request.
He did everything he could to get her well again. He often said to us, "I am not ready to lose your mother!" Or to her, "Honey you can't leave me yet!" On a Saturday morning during the doctor's home visit she inquired what the family desired if Mom expired. In meeting to discuss the subject later that day, our father, with a broken heart and buckets of tears said, "If your mother go, prepare for two!"
Several days later, as the caregiver and I looked after Mom, I started humming the tune, "I'm Gonna Lay Down my Burden". Mom opened her eyes and started singing in a soft, weakened voice the words of the song. She said very little after that, and she left us with a clear message of her heart's desire. Mommy breathed her last breath, as Barry, her only son, ministered by her bedside on January 7, 2015.
Later, during the summer months I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my father about him grieving the loss of his dear "better half" as he would usually say, and listened keenly as he openly expressed his deep pain in losing his soul mate. Amidst tears he shared that he thought he would go right after Mommy, but he said, "It looks like I'm still holding."
On Dad's birthday, November 15, we had an especially long, jovial conversation. Dad and I always had hilarious chats that tickled my soul as we mocked the English accent, pretending to be King Alfred and Princess Ann in dialogue. Yet at the end, with soberness he said, "I do not want to be here when Christmas comes. My first birthday in 66 years without your mother is too hard, just too hard." I encouraged him and we laughed again, with no inclination that it would be my last talk with my father. Several days later, Daddy succumbed to a massive hemorrhagic stroke, with his children around his bedside. Within nine months we lost two of the most precious human beings to grace our lives, Mommy and Daddy.
I miss Mommy and Daddy so much. My heart is full of love, peace, joy and gratitude as I reflect on the years of their loving example set before me. Undoubtedly, the model they demonstrated influenced the 31 years of my relationship as I sought to emulate their model of love and commitment.
Come grow old with me, the best is yet to be, is mistaken for a myth. But it has profound truth for those who chose and nurture love in their lifetime. What a profound testimony to have seen the blossoming of two powerful creators coming together and enhancing the experiences of one another for so many years. The power of love is the most valuable lesson I learned by observing their lives, as they co-created a relationship of quality and substance. Oh, such love! As a young person growing up, I desired nothing less in a relationship. While married, I experienced nothing less in my relationship. At this juncture in my journey, once again, I would want to have nothing less. Daddy and Mommy enjoyed much laughter and cried many times together, yet without a doubt their happiness and fulfillment throughout their lifetime was the result of their love and commitment. It certainly is true -- the greatest of them all is love.

o Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical psychotherapist. Send your questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com or write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas, or visit www.soencouragement.org or call 242-327-1980 or 242-477-4002.

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