Since the 17th century Valentine's Day has been officially celebrated as a day of romance. A study of history, however, will inform us its beginning can be traced to the early centuries. However, I think we place too much emphasis on romance without understanding and experiencing first the purpose and expression of simple human love without strings attached.
Yes, I do encourage couples and individuals to express their romantic love to their partners this Valentine's Day, however, we need to understand we can only effectively romantically love if we first understand and experience healthy human love. In that sense it seems as though romantic love is overrated.
Loving one another without strings attached must be one of the first lessons taught in life. Loving anyone and everyone regardless of race, ethnicity, nationality, level of education, physical ability, language or gender, is the most important, long-lasting gift we can give the nation. Today our nation and most nations around the world are poisoned with xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, misandry, bigotry, misanthropy, religious intolerance, racism, child abuse, spouse abuse, rape, etc. The most common word that is used to define these attitudes and behaviors is hatred.
We need a world free from hatred and one that is saturated with love for all. In The Bahamas we boast of being a very cosmopolitan nation. We have many nationalities and races that are attracted to live here. On the other hand, we have not always demonstrated unconditional love and acceptance. When tourists come to our country, we would proudly show them all the features and sites. We even want them to come back over and over again. We are so good at it we are known as one of the friendliest countries in the Caribbean and perhaps the world. However, when we find out that these same tourists have decided to live in our country, our attitude changes and we are no longer happy to be with them anymore.
Sometimes local non-Bahamian residents are treated warmly until we hear their accents. These persons may have been living in The Bahamas for decades, some having obtained citizenship, but we treat them very poorly. Why is this? There are many reasons, but the primary one is lack of appreciation, understanding and unconditional love. There is too much emphasis on building lovely homes, purchasing beautiful cars and dressing like beauty is going out of style. There is little emphasis and demonstration of true love. I believe that a demonstration of genuine love will seriously reduce the number of ills in our society. Let's start loving first and the beautiful homes will follow.
Several years ago I shared a popular story entitled. "Wealth, Success or Love". In it, a woman came out of her house and saw three old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said, "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is your husband home?" they asked.
"No," she said. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in," they replied. In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home, and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in.
"We do not go into a house together," they replied.
"Why is that?" She wanted to know.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends. Pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love". Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice," he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come in and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion. "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the three old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest." Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other two also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady said to Wealth and Success, "I only invited Love, why are you coming in?" The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever he goes, we go with him. Wherever there is love, there is also wealth and success."
Who are you inviting in your home tonight? Is it success? Is it that we are trying to be a successful country without love? We boast of being one of the richest countries in the world financially. Sadly, we might be one of the poorest socially. As a society, we have focused too long on being successful and wealthy. What is really missing is a nation of compassion, forgiveness, understanding and love. If every national and community leader, religious and civic leader, mom and dad would invite love into their homes, how different would our families and nation be? If we have love, success and wealth will also come in. Let's try it. Go and express some unconditional love today.

o Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical psychotherapist, U.S.A. Send your questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com; write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas; or visit www.soencouragement.org; or call 327-1980 or 477-4002.

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