Dear Editor,

I was deeply moved last week when I read the news that Dr. Sandra Dean-Patterson and the Crisis Centre refused a donation from Leslie Miller, who had recently made remarks in the House of Assembly regarding beating his former girlfriend.

I telephoned Patterson, a long-time friend and colleague of my deceased husband, C. Paul Cartwright, and applauded her for taking such a stand.

"Paul would have been so proud of you," I told her.

You see, my late husband, who worked for three decades serving his fellow Bahamians in the counseling profession, also worked with abused women. He was grieved to see the cycle perpetuated by the man giving gifts to placate, and then the woman softening, dropping charges and allowing the next round of abuse. It seemed like an endless cycle with very little hope for change.

As Patterson stated, this is truly a "teachable moment" for our nation. In essence, by refusing to accept the $1,000 check from Miller, she shouted by quiet example that the cycle must stop and that money can't fix everything. Let us allow this "teachable moment" to inspire us and give us all the courage to change. May it embolden the abused women of our nation to say, "Enough! I will not take any more of your beatings or your money."

May it embolden the abusers of our nation to recognize the awfulness of their abusive behavior and to make a conscious decision to change it, rather than to simply react and nurse their egos that have been wounded by rejection.

And on a wider scale, may it give us all the courage to look within and recognize the potential for abuse - both the giving and receiving of - in our own hearts. How easy it is to think and act unkindly towards another person, be he/she a stranger, friend, colleague or family member. And how difficult it is to confront such behavior, thus allowing it to continue.

Change is difficult and healing seems so far away at times. Let us remember, however, that we have access to the greatest hope and power ever to effect change. That's what the Easter story is all about: "He was wounded for our transgressions; He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed," Isaiah 53:5 Thank you Dr. Sandra Dean-Patterson for providing our nation with a "teachable moment". May we all learn from it and go forth with changed hearts and behaviors.

- Priscilla M. Cartwright

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