When you have a child, there is no denying that you need support, and lots of it. If you are lucky enough, you will get plenty of it. But when does lots of support become a total takeover, leaving you feeling like a back seat driver?
If you have lots of family and loves ones patiently waiting for the new arrival, with lots of recommended do's and don'ts, you are blessed. It is a beautiful time in a woman's life and generally family and friends join in, but it can also be a little intimidating for the first time mother. There are a few things we need to acknowledge in this dynamic -- oh yes, we're going to go there! First of all, mammas, remember this, you are the mother and no one has more influence (good and bad, I might add) on your child than you, as a parent. That being said, there are many ways to do things, and not every way is the best way for you. Making a decision to do things your way, is okay. Having a child means that it has become your right, and your turn, to parent. Let me warn you though, it can get a little rough.
So how do you accept the help without taking on the guilt that comes with wanting to take another parenting path? As new parents, we may have heard the wonderful, guilt tactics our loved ones use: "I raised you, and you came out just fine." Or, "I raised eight children on my own, and ain't nothing wrong with them." Or how about, "Fine. Don't do it my way. I guess you don't need my help since you seem to know everything."
It can be very hurtful and isolating, I know. But the reality is they are saying it with loving intentions. They want to show you how they did it as a matter of pride so that their ways pass on, for generations to come. After all, they love you and your baby, and they want to be a part of the whole dynamic. I believe that it's human nature.
Mothers, in-laws, aunts, grandmothers, etc. are used to being in the driver's seat. You may not be able to empathize with the driver's seat comparison but, understand that one day, you will have to give up the driver's seat as well, especially when one of your kids has children.
Support is shown in loving ways, not deciding and dictating what needs to happen, but rather a show and tell of options as to how things can be done. It makes the new mom feel that she has support when she needs it, and that she can feel comfortable to make her own decisions for herself and her baby.
I believe that when you leave the door open for conversation, and support, you will find that new mom becomes empowered, strong and confident. So make your decisions mamas, but find a way to state your position in a loving way. Let's be honest, it's hard to give up the driver's seat, so show some compassion.
Love & hugs!
o Bianca Carter is a certified lactation counselor (CLC), and founder of Bun in the Oven. For more information, give us a call at 601-6977 or visit us at the Harbour Bay Shopping Plaza, next to Starbucks. Follow us on Facebook at babybunintheoven, email us at info@babybunintheoven.com, visit us at www.babybunintheoven.com.

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