Once in a while, it is important to remind us all that Christmas is not a happy time for everyone. Although the economy seems to be strengthening, it seems as though Christmas sadness is coming much earlier for many families. Many are unemployed or under-employed. Many have lost loved ones due to the high level of crime in our country and the obituaries are filled with individuals dying prematurely, thus leaving families with not much to hold on to.
Yes, Christmastime is not a happy time for everyone. Several years ago, I said that one reason so many can be depressed and lonely during Christmastime is often centered on the idea of what Christmas is all about - a time for family togetherness. Too many marriages have broken up around Christmastime. Some of the most painful explosive arguments, secret revelations and family fights have occurred during or around Christmastime. There are many husbands who have lost custody of their children or learned that their wives were cheating on them during Christmastime.
There are many wives who have experienced the worse of marital discord or learned that their husbands had sex with other women who might have AIDS, all during Christmas. There are many who have lost their most precious loved ones, like you dear sad one, through death during Christmastime. On the other hand, there are many children who have had their biggest fights with brothers and sisters over toys, or experienced the pain of parent favoritism during Christmastime. How then could Christmas be fun? The truth is that many will be depressed this Christmas.
What can one do to cope this Christmas season? What can you do to help the hurting during this time of the year? Tips to overcome Christmas sadness A leading psychologist, Professor Brice Pitt, writes for Depression Alliance on several things one can do to overcome or prevent the Christmas depression. Here they are: If the problem is having to be with other people you don't like, try to minimize the damage. If you're invited for longer than you can bear, explain why you have to leave on Boxing Day; if family descends on you for too long, arrange to go away immediately after Christmas.
You may like the idea of getting away from it all, by taking a cheap holiday over Christmas, or immediately after, when prices are lower. Try spending the time in as "unChristmassy" a way as possible, by long-awaited house cleaning or decorating, repairing the roof if the weather is good or working in the garden. If you're alone and lonely, find out in advance whether your church, community or constituency is having a get-together for people and if so, join in. And if you decide not to, at least you have made that choice. Telephone friends and family. Plan small treats for yourself.
Remember that the nurses, police, welfare agencies and similar services don't take a holiday at Christmas. They know that it is a difficult time for many people, and they are eager to help. The church and community Churches and community organizations can help to reduce the pain for many during this Christmas season by doing the following. Identify the single parents, widows and widowers and troubled families in your churches or community. Plan to visit these individuals during Christmas and New Year time. Invite these individuals to community or church activities.
Assign a "big brother" or "big sister" to these persons to befriend them and provide some of their emotional needs. Where possible, include these individuals on planning committees, community events and development projects. Do not probe or seek to investigate their personal lives, just be there for them. Dear readers, go now and make someone happy during a potentially very sad time of the year - Christmas. Go, and put merry into someone's Christmas. Hurry, let's prevent the sadness.
• Barrington Brennen is a marriage and family therapist. Send you request to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com, or visit www.soencouragement.org or call (242) 327-1980.
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