Bend the Tree While it is Young

Thu, Sep 8th 2011, 11:55 AM

You see it almost every day outside the courthouse where mothers and other family members of young criminals gather to support their remanded loved one with cries of "Not my good child," "He's only a child," "He's too young" and even "Give him another chance, he didn't know what he was doing."

Many  ministers of the word say they shake their heads when they see such displays because often times it is the lack of proper guidance of the same concerned individuals that facilitated the overall downfall of their loved one.

A Bible verse says to train up a child in the way he should go so he will not stray far from his path and even common proverbs say to bend a tree while it's young, but in today's world many parents are forgetting how important such things are, says Bishop Arnold Josey, senior pastor of Commonwealth Mission Baptist Church.

"From my pre-ministerial background as a police officer I have personally seen young people fall into worse and worse criminal behavior that leads to jail and court time due to their background and lack of proper parental guidance in some cases," he says.

"I strongly believe in the concept that if a child learns to lie, he will learn to steal and then he will learn to murder.  It's a graduation process kind of," he continues. "If you let your child lie to you without punishing him adequately he will keep on doing and his conscience will become silent so other negative activities like stealing will eventually come naturally."

The bishop says it is important for parents to be more vigilant and disciplinary with their children because the lack of punishment shows the child there are no repercussions for bad behavior. He says parents feeling it's not a big deal if their child "accidentally" brings home a ruler that isn't his is the start of their child's ruin. In some cases it may honestly be a mistake but as parents even so it is important he knows he must return it and apologize. Ensuring children do this while young helps make them trustworthy adults.

It is also a mistake to only reprimand or punish their child who loses his things for being careless and not finding out just where it went or who may have taken it. In doing this a child who may not have guidance or whose "innocent" criminal act has not been found out will feel some heat from some form of authority and know he is wrong.

"Not putting heat on children and letting them do what they want -- not checking their bags or questioning where he got items you did not purchase for him -- is a recipe for disaster," the bishop says.

"You need to nip everything negative your child does in the bud," he elaborates. "Don't give it a chance to grow and fester. You may see it as a small issue initially but just like a carpentry project that is a mere millimeter off, eventually when you go further down the road, the whole project is a disaster -- so too will your child be if not corrected early."

While it is important to provide guidance and parental support for the many young people in society the best method to rear a child is by example, says Father Bradley Miller, assistant curate at Christ the King Anglican Church.

"You can say do this or do that, but for the best results a parents should be aiming to be the best examples for their children," he says. "Whether it's a single parent or an extended family, a child needs to see what is right from wrong."

"Most parents take for granted that their children are watching them and mimicking them," he continues. "They do and say things carelessly and children take what they see to heart moreso than they hear. Like when you go to the store and eat the people's grapes before buying them. You are teaching him to steal. You run a light and get pulled over by a police officer then curse him and mash up the ticket when he leaves. You are teaching your child to disrespect authority and road laws. You can try to go back and fix it by saying not to do this or that later but the damage has been done."

The minister says most children will grow up into what they live and see their parents do. So just how strict you are or try to be with your children you need to do the same in your own life. You cannot expect your child to grow up to be a good God-fearing citizen if you do not show the child an example of what such a citizen does and says.

Bishop Ros Davis, senior pastor of Golden Gates World Outreach Ministries, says more parents need to fully understand and embrace the different proverbs in society like they used to in the old days. A lack of belief and acting upon these old saying is among the many reasons so many young people are finding themselves in problems, he feels.

"We have to embrace the past ways that things were done," he says. "Some are old-fashioned but things like proverbs and biblical verses should not be ignored. It is important to listen to them. You have to bend the tree while it's young. Control them now even if they are young because it is much harder to train them when they are older."

"Even at three months a child is intelligent enough to understand you and process your feelings or emotions at least," he continues. "By the time he is one, two or three you need to continue being strict with him and speaking to him so he knows what your expectations are. He may not appear to understand at first but keep on doing it. Just like a young tree if you bend it at first it will bounce back to where it was before but continually doing it will cause it to bend in the direction you want it to be permanently over time. Doing this is impossible with an older tree as it will either take a very long time or break under the pressure."

The bishop says to make things easier and painless later in life it is important to train your child as early as you can. Simply feeling you are hurting your child by beating or punishing him for a seemingly minor error could be the difference between a model citizen and career criminal.

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