The long lazy days of summer are winding down, and with all of the new, cool back to school stuff purchases in the closet just waiting to be used, many children are eager for the opening of the new school year to be reunited with friends and swap stories of their summer vacation. For one group of students summer is coming to a bittersweet end. While they're looking forward to school and learning, they are not looking forward to the bullying they are subjected to.
Thirteen-year-old Erold Mackey [name changed] says school is the last place he wants to go next month, and it's not because he wants to experience just a little more summer fun. The youngster who is going into ninth grade says school is not a happy place for him because of the bullying he has experienced since primary school. He recalls days of being tormented by other students because he stammers, has a limp and is dark complexioned. He was even picked on because of his grades, and says nothing he said to his teachers about the "bullying" made a difference. Mackey says he was always told to get over it which made him stop telling anyone at all what was taking place.
"Since I was in grade school I was the object of most people's torment. My teachers always told me it would be okay and the other kids would grow up and be nicer. It didn't happen. It got worse and worse. It went from just being name calling to people writing about me to some of the kids, taking my homework ... and then it got physical. No one was listening to me when I told them about it and my parents, my dad especially, told me I need to be a man and fight, and my mom would only say to go to school to learn and don't worry about the other kids. But that wasn't enough and after a while I stopped trying."
The youngster says it was his grandmother, noticing his declining grades and his attitude who finally went to the school to try to put a stop to what was happening. He says he got some relief and things got better as his teachers put extra emphasis on promoting anti-bullying in his school.
While bullying commonly makes news headlines in the United States, especially when a child commits suicide, many people are of the opinion that it is not a big deal in The Bahamas, but Ministry of Education psychologist, Dr. Novia Carter says bullying in schools in The Bahamas is a real thing that many students go through on a daily basis that most adults don't take seriously until it is too late. She believes ignoring this seemingly small problem and not protecting the victim or reprimanding the bully appropriately is the root of many incidences of school or community violence among the youth.
"It is only when the victim lashes out themselves with all their pent up rage, or is victimized to the point of his or her life being jeopardized do many adults think to say 'Well maybe we should put a stop to this.' This is the worst time to decide to do something," says Dr. Carter. "You may save the child the physical harm for the moment, but the emotional and mental damage has already been done and the bully himself is often already set in his ways."
She says bullying is not an American thing or something to be ignored, but serious and very real. And that contrary to popular belief bullying is not limited to one student physically harming another but includes verbal abuse, sexual advances and cyber (Internet) bullying.
"Children today are a lot more cruel than they were in years before and they find intricate ways to express their dislike for one another," says the psychologist.
Dr. Carter says it is because of this students, teachers and parents need to be more proactive and vigilant in solving the problem in schools before a major incident occurs where many people are hurt due to bullying being taken too far.
WHAT STUDENTS CAN DO
Bullying does not have to happen if students learn to help one another says the psychologist. She says seeing someone being bullied and not helping is just as bad as bullying the person yourself. Even if you are afraid to jump into the middle of a bullying session yourself, she says students witnessing bullying taking place should let a teacher know.
Children being bullied she said should not hold it in. Her advice is that if one teacher does not listen, the child should then tell another teacher and keep telling teachers until something happens. If a person says they will harm you, she says the student should not take it lightly and consider it a threat. She encourages the bully to not respond with violence themselves because then they too will get into trouble.
The psychologist says students accepting people who are different from them instead of ostracizing them is an important step in decreasing the occurrence of bullying. She says only talking to your peers in your clique and ignoring those who are not like you is bullying even if you do not harm them verbally or physically. She says this is one of the most common, yet underrated forms of bullying in schools which can be harmful to the ostracized student's self-esteem.
"Students are key in making this a better school year for everyone whether they are friends or not," says Dr. Carter. "Everyone deserves to have a friendly school environment. You do not have to be friends with everyone, but be friendly and helpful. Just because Johnny is not athletic, extra smart, has a different skin color or even nationality does not mean you have to be mean. We really hope students take heed and work better together so they can solve problems without violence and bullying. Students good at working out their problems peacefully and appreciating their differences grow into open-minded, thoughtful and amicable adults."
WHAT TEACHERS CAN DO
Most often bullying can be nipped in the bud, but Dr. Carter says if the teachers or other authority figures do not do their part to assist causes this small weed to grow into a life-sucking tree. With the start of the new school year, the psychologist advises teachers to be more vigilant on school grounds especially since bullying happens in places adults are often not around.
"You need to keep an eye on your students. If you notice a smart child coming in depressed or being upset, take the time to ask what is happening. Watch quietly for what is happening behind closed doors or what some kids say to discover who is being bullied and who is the bully. This is easier said than done, but it is important because students who don't want to come to school will not learn and it makes your job harder."
Dr. Carter says schools should acknowledge an anti-bullying or anti-dissing day to reinforce this idea to everyone of no bullying.
"I also believe it is important to appropriately punish a bully," says the psychologist. "I do not believe simply giving lines or detention does anything for the wrongdoer. They need to get out in the community and see why it is important to work in harmony for the sake of everyone. I would advise teachers and schools to look into punishing such students via community service and making them write about the experience so their punishment will mean more to them and they will learn something at the same time. We need to be stricter in our schools and look into anti-bullying policies that work for our system."
WHAT PARENTS CAN DO
It is important for parents to be able to recognize when their child is being bullied, says the psychologist. Depending on the child to admit they are being bullied, and asking their parents to help them solve the problem she says usually won't happen in this day when many bullies are resorting to threatening more harm should the child tell an adult. She says parents should be acutely aware of their child's habits and address them instead of ignoring them.
"Some things parents can look out for is when their child's behavior habits change," says Dr. Carter. "The first thing you'll see is the child who used to love school so much suddenly doesn't want to go on a consistent basis. They are upset when they come home but won't say anything. Then the child who loved sports or extracurricular activities suddenly just can't wait for you to come for him. It is important to look at this as a sign that something isn't right and you should start asking questions or even go to the school to see what is happening."
Declining grades is another sign parents should look out for, as well as attitude changes or even rebellion, especially if the child is usually calm headed. The psychologist says she has seen many cases where bullied children are pushed too far and in fear of their own safety take knives and weapons to school to harm another student because they are being bullied.
"It's so important for parents to be vigilant and be on top of what their kids are doing. You also need to listen to your child. Do not brush off what he is saying by telling him it will go away. Nowadays it doesn't. Teachers often don't step in because they fear for their own lives or they don't think the matter is serious. Being a part of the masses that ignore this issue doesn't make it better. Letting your child be victimized or not punishing your child if he is a bully only leads to greater social repercussions. These kids will see violence and bullying as the way to go and will grow up to be bullies in the workforce, in their relationships and teach these bad habits to their kids. We are seeing this now and it is a major factor in criminal activity today."
Dr. Carter says parents can also be good examples to their children so they know how to act toward each other and in difficult situations. The psychologist believes it is parents going into schools, kicking up a fuss and carrying on badly that indirectly encourages the bad behavior of their own children as well. She advises parents to show more restraint and control so they can help their child see what is right from wrong rather than simply saying it.
With mere weeks to the start of the new school year, the psychologist says bullying is serious, and instead of waiting for the worse to happen, parents should take steps now to prepare their children to face challenges and interact with each other the right way.
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