Recently I had justifiable reason to burn with indignation. It was a bout of depression recently brought into focus by an ungrateful 'son-of-a-gun' for whom I had gone extra miles and had 'given the shirt off my back' in financial assistance. He was dragging me through the gutter of no return. I was sorry I had ever given him a penny.
"An angry man is always full of poison," said a wise person. Experience teaches that you can become so full of poison that you can attain to pitiful proportions. We can waste quality time in the valley of bitterness and resentment. The question is always how do you let go of past hurts and move forward.
A friend was indignant when none of his employees said thanks, having given to them a generous bonus for Christmas. He said how sorry he was that he had ever given them a penny. This man was so full of poison that I honestly pitied him. Instead of wallowing in resentment and self-pity, he might have asked himself why he didn't get any appreciation. Maybe he had underpaid and overworked his employees. Maybe they considered a Christmas bonus not a gift, but something they have earned. Maybe he was so critical and unapproachable that no one dared or cared to thank him. Maybe the employees were selfish, mean and ill-mannered.
"Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation," said Dr. Samuel Johnson.
Here is the point we must bear in mind -- we all make the human and distressing mistake of expecting gratitude. We need to get in touch with human nature. Christ helped 10 lepers. How many of the lepers even stopped to thank him? Only one.
Christ turned around to his disciples and asked, "Where are the other nine?" They had disappeared without thanks. Why should any of us expect more thanks for our favors than was given to Jesus Christ? And when it comes to money matters, well, that is even more hopeless. Human nature has always been just that -- human nature. Is it going to change?
Marcus Aurelius, one of the wisest men who ever ruled the Roman Empire once said, "I'm going to meet people today who talk too much, people who are selfish, egotistical, [and] ungrateful. But I won't be surprised or disturbed, for I couldn't imagine a world without such people." That makes sense, doesn't it?
Let's not expect gratitude. Then, if we get some occasionally, it will come as a delightful surprise. If we don't get it, we won't be disturbed.
It is so natural for people to be grateful, so, if we go around expecting gratitude, we are headed for a lot of heartaches. There are thousands of Bahamians who are ill from ingratitude, loneliness and neglect. They long to be loved, but the only way that they can ever hope to be loved is to stop asking for it, and to start pouring out love without hope of return.
If we want to find happiness, let's stop thinking about gratitude or ingratitude and give for the inner joy of giving. Parents have been tearing their hair out about the ingratitude of children for untold years.
"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child," wrote Shakespeare, but why should children be thankful unless we train them to be? Ingratitude is natural -- like weeds. Gratitude is like a rose. It is to be fed and watered and cultivated and loved and protected. If our children are ungrateful who is to blame? Maybe we are.
If we have never taught them to express gratitude to others, how can we expect them to be grateful to us? Our children are very much what we make them. To avoid resentment and worry over ingratitude, here are three rules:
o Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let's expect it. Let's remember that Jesus healed 10 lepers in one day, and only one thanked him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?
o Remember, that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude, but to give for the joy of giving.
o Remember that gratitude is a cultivated trait, so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.
Reverend Canon S. Sebastian Campbell is the rector at St. Gregory's Anglican Church.
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