Even before the results of the May 7, 2012 general election, there were glaring signs that the election of the Perry Christie-led PLP would be another dark adventure down the proverbial rabbit hole popularized in Charles Lutwidge Dodgson's (writing under the pseudonym Lewis Carroll) "Alice in Wonderland".

We are living in a parallel universe of the famed novel, which might be called Christie and the PLP in Wonderland. It is an alternative reality which so often resembles the Mad Hatter's tea party and other outlandish happenings in the book, where little seems to makes sense and where the most ludicrous things are bound to happen, and where we are asked to suspend logic and instead to accept as reality all manner of make-believe and fantasy.

Alice in Wonderland falls under the literary nonsense genre, which is also a good way to look at the misadventures, twists and turns, and endless opportunities to satirize the Christie administration. Christie, the King of Hearts, able to emote on cue before an audience, is the great spinner of fantasy, grand announcements and grandiose promises.

A Bahamian Jon Stewart would do wonders helping to puncture the baloney, the cant, the gobbledygook, the acute hypocrisy, the daily show of nonsense, the obfuscations, the gargantuan missteps, the mounting scandals, the extraordinary waste of public funds, the sanctimonious excuses for breathtaking incompetence, the allergies to transparency and accountability, and the unmitigated disaster that is the PLP government. And this is an abbreviated list!

Like Alice, many Bahamians voluntarily went down the rabbit hole at the last election, following Christie and the PLP down a garden path filled with all manner of impossible promises, all mirages which disappeared in the light of reality after the election fog, more of which further on. And down the rabbit hole went many believing Christie's and the PLP's repolished promises of transparency and accountability and good governance, and their new mantra of putting Bahamians first.

Breathtaking
The reality could not be any further than the sad truth that is an irreparably dysfunctional PLP nearly three years in office. The scandals and breach of trust with the Bahamian people are breathtaking:

Twenty million dollars in untendered contracts and the scandal at BAMSI; the deputy prime minister misleading the House about insurance for the fire-gutted dorm at BAMSI and refusing to resign and not being fired; the improprieties and irregularities at Urban Renewal as outlined by the auditor general and the arrogant attacks on him by the program's co-chairs.

The list continues: The interference of Minister of Agriculture and Marine Resources V. Alfred Gray in a criminal matter before a family island magistrate and his failure to resign, or be fired; the glaring conflict of interest of former Financial Services Minister Ryan Pinder in taking up a post with Deltec Bank; the equally glaring conflict of interest of the prime minister himself in admittedly having been a paid consultant for the oil industry; and the suppression for a year of a report of a major oil leak in Marathon.

There is more: The Renward Wells and letter of intent affair; secret negotiations about the future of BEC; the failure to get back a majority stake at BTC and the failure to table a new agreement on the corporation; and the failure in over a year to provide the National Intelligence Agency with a legal footing.

There is even more: The nolle prosequi matter involving Education Minister Jerome Fitzgerald, who, while acting as attorney general for Allyson Maynard-Gibson provided the nolle for a former client of Gibson; the DPM calling into question the integrity of the Department of Statistics; and the lack of a full accounting of the Cuban abuse probe at the detention center.

There is more still: The non-payment by the proposed governor general of hundreds of thousands of dollars owed in real property taxes; the dereliction of the VAT coordinator in the non-payment of taxes despite lecturing Bahamians about paying their taxes; the strange case of a man under arrest at the Central Police station being allowed to marry at the station; and the conduct of Consul General Randy Rolle in Bimini.

There is much more: The bungled numbers referendum then failure to abide by the results of the referendum; the broken promise to account for the money given to the PLP by Peter Nygard, which was reported to be in the range of $5 million; and the failure of the prime minister to account, as he promised, for travels to a CHOGM meeting and corresponding travel to Rome and London.

More still: Tall Pines MP Leslie Miller's abusive words about domestic violence and beating an ex-girlfriend with no comment from the male or female leaders of the PLP; the failure, despite repeated promises, to hold a referendum on gender equality; and Miller, the executive chairman of BEC, being allowed to serve in that capacity despite owing a huge sum to the corporation, then when this became public, paying $100,000 in cash in an irregular manner in breach of the corporation's rules, with Christie again remaining mum.

Pattern
There is a woeful pattern to the scandals and improprieties of the Christie administration. Despite promised investigations and promises to report on results, typically nothing comes of these promises and investigations.

The Alice in Wonderland quality to all of this is that despite how much this government is loathed as seen in the recent Latin American Public Opinion Project, the PLP vainly tries to spin bad news, akin to the captain of the Titanic suggesting that things are better than the passengers think.

For his laughable part, PLP Chairman Bradley Roberts suggested that the survey results are good for Christie. In texting parlance the response of many to this is: LMAO.

As for Christie he is either the most delusional prime minister in Bahamian history or the most adept at turning a blind eye even as he is surrounded by all manner of disasters, or perhaps both. He joyfully boasts of good things to come, that he is a "defining" prime minister, that the country is on the right track, and as reported in The Tribune, that "his government's performance will not be matched 'in the history of this country'."

It would be a useful exercise for the media and others to compile a list of the still unmet promises made by the PLP at the last election, some of which are well-known but have additional features rarely observed.

Then there are promises not likely to be kept and less remarked upon such as the promise to Grand Bahamians to: "Construct a new state-of-the-art hospital using Bahamian contractors and labor."

Recall the 10,000 new jobs in the first year. They have yet to materialize despite Deputy Prime Minister (DPM) Philip Brave Davis' claim that they have. Perhaps those jobs are in a constituency of Wonderland visited only by Davis who had the shameless audacity to invite Long Island MP Loretta Butler-Turner to look up the word "mislead" after she roasted him for misleading the House.

For helpful reference for the DPM, "mislead" may be defined as: "to lead or guide wrongly; lead astray"; "to lead into error of conduct, thought, or judgment"; "cause (someone) to have a wrong idea or impression".

Orwellian
In an Orwellian world some might twist the word "mislead" to mean whatever they want it to mean.  In Lewis Carroll's companion book "Through the Looking Glass", there is this delightful dialogue Davis might enjoy: "'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.'

"'The question is, said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.'

"'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master - that's all.'"

In the lead-up to the last election the PLP repeatedly misstated and refused to correct the number of jobs the party claimed it created in its last term despite being contradicted by the Department of Statistics and challenged by this journal, among others.

In its 2012 Charter for Governance the party boasted: "During its last five-year term in office, the PLP created and maintained an economic climate which led to 22,000 new jobs." Then this bold promise was made: "During the new five-year term the goal will be to surpass that number."

With unemployment having risen, and higher as of January of this year than when the FNM left office, and in its third year in office and not having created those 10,000 new jobs, the PLP's stated goal of creating more than 22,000 new jobs should be seen for exactly what it is.

We really are in Wonderland. But sadly in the real world, Bahamians are hurting even as this government continues to spin nonsense, offer false hope and deliver broken promises.

In a crime address as leader of the opposition, Christie promised another wildly fantastical invention of the magical world he inhabits: He promised to double the national investment in education. Unable to meet this promise he denied that he made such a promise when challenged by a member of Parliament.

Confronted with his own words, he said nothing. But as we are living in the world of Christie in Wonderland listen to what he recently said when speaking to students in the journalism program at COB, as reported in The Tribune: "Responding to a student who asked why COB's tuition was not free, he said: 'You are going to find that with respect to education, we are going to be able to meet your expectations.'"

Having already failed to meet their expectations, the King of Hearts was at it again. Note to COB students: "Don't hold your breath", especially as this is the government that previously cut the national education budget.

In the fantastical make-believe Alice in Wonderland world of the PLP, words and numbers are mere play things to manipulate at will. And in the words of Lewis Carroll, things will only get "curiouser and curiouser"!

o frontporchguardian@gmail.com, www.bahamapundit.com.

Click here to read more at The Nassau Guardian