Understanding gender equality

Thu, Jul 3rd 2014, 10:56 AM

I am imploring the male readers of this column to focus on these songs -- the 1965 song by Hal David and Burt Bacharach: "What the world needs now is love, sweet love, It's the only thing that there's just too little of. What the world needs now is love, sweet love, No, not just for some, but for everyone". Then here are the words from Bob Marley's famous song also written in 1965: "One love! One heart! Let's get together and feel all right".
These songs are telling us that the big problem facing our society today is the lack of true love. My emphasis in this article is to talk about the lack of loving of the males in our society toward the females. Let me hasten to say that I am not talking about every male. There are loving males in our society, but far too many do not know how to truly love and are wounding instead of loving their female partners.
In fact this is the fundamental reason the United Nations Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) was organized. Far too many women are being abused around the world. We have discovered that far too many men are wounding women because they have negative views of the role of women and a misuse of abuse of their own perceived power as men.
Hence, the gender equality initiative by CEDAW is simply to help men to love their women the same way they love themselves, and to help them consider women as their true partners in society and not competitors. Understanding gender equality is simply about accepting the equal value of the women in our lives. It is accepting that both male and female are designed by God to have equal voice, vote, power, access and opportunity in society and the world.

Questions to think about
Therefore men, could you pause for a little while and focus on what these songs are talking about -- loving, and more specifically loving the women in our lives -- our wives, sisters, nieces, aunts, cousins, grandmothers, mothers, girlfriends and all other women we work and play with. Here are the important thinking questions: Are you satisfied with the way you love the women in your life? Are you treating them the way you want to be treated? Men, are you loving them gently, kindly and with respect? Do you love them the way you want to be loved as men in their lives?
When Adam saw Eve for the first time, he saw his alter ego. This means he saw his other self -- someone like himself. He did not see a competitor or someone opposite to himself. Therefore he said to her "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh". Men, how do you treat someone who is "bone of your bone"? Would you deliberately slap, punch, hit, kick or curse yourself? Therefore, why would we do it to our equal partners?

Love
I believe that if men truly understand the meaning of love they would not wound the women in their lives and would have no problem understanding the importance of gender quality.
Men, many of you, like me, claim to be believers of Jesus and readers of holy scriptures. Therefore the passage of 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 should have special meaning to them. It is perhaps the best description of love anywhere.
"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance". [Corinthians 13:4-7]
Ironically it is among Christian men -- men who know these texts who are most abusive to the female partners in their lives. It seems as though men who know more of scripture and study it the most, are the ones who hurt the most. This allowed me 15 years ago to discover the formula for violence against women and children. When rigid traditional family values are combined with rigid traditional religious beliefs, there is always abuse. This has never failed. I have discovered that as long as men continue to rigidly hold to the view that they are superior to women or have a "divine right of power over women", the end result is always abuse. It can be emotional, psychological, spiritual, sexual or physical. Statistics show us that this abuse against women occurs from the pulpit to the pew, from the corporate office to the utility room, from the boardroom to the secretary's office, from the bedroom to the kitchen, etc.
I am postulating that the main reason men are hurting the women in their lives is because they do not know how to truly love. The truth is that when women and men truly love, no one will be "over" the other. There will be equal power sharing.
Before sin, God made both male and female with equality authority, and that authority was not over each other, but their surroundings. Since the resurrection of Jesus he redeemed human beings to stand beside his side as equals. He said in Christ there is not male or female. [Galatians 3:28]

My appeal to men
Men, my appeal to you is to understand that the upcoming gender policy is simply about having guidelines to ensure that we all love each other equally -- both genders. I think it is a shame that societies have to establish laws to create quality and fairness in society when just being human should be sufficient. Because of our selfish, stupid and arrogant, attitudes and erroneous beliefs, societies around the world have created laws to deal with racism, child abuse, rape, murder, domestic violence, etc. Men, if you cannot love freely, equally and unconditionally, then you are continuing to support the downward trend of our society in which women and children continue to be degraded. You are not following the biblical mandate to love everyone equally. Men, I request of you to start thinking of women as your "other self". Would you hurt yourself? Think about it.

o Barrington H. Brennen is a marriage and family therapist and board certified clinical psychotherapist, U.S.A. Send your questions or comments to barringtonbrennen@gmail.com; or write to P.O. Box CB-13019, Nassau, The Bahamas; or visit www.soencouragement.org; or call 242-327-1980, or 242-477-4002.

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